I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
