Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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(207): View more from Maine

We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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(303): View more from Colorado

why im i the only drunk person in the library?

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(804): View more from Virginia

At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.

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(619): View more from California

yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.

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(424): View more from California

My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?

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(937): View more from Ohio

I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together

(513): View more from Ohio

Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...

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