just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
