I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
