i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
