return my video game
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
