Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
