I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love having hate sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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