My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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