I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize