i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
