Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
