If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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