Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
