Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize