also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
