wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
