Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
