your thong is hanging out like whoa
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
