Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
