got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
