ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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