"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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