At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
