real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
