i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
