I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
