After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
