When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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