Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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