hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
