you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
