my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
