I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
