i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
