Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
either way he was missing a nipple.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
