I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
