Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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