I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
