I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
