I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
