How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
