my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
