her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
