xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My penis needs a shock collar
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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