On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
