while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
