Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
