I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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