Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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