Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
