I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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