Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
