I should be sponsored by Trojan
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
