You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
