You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
