I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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