....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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