I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
