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I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
