chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
