dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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