Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
