dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
