so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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