What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
