Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This toilet bowl is my home.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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