It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
