The maid of honor just puked.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize