This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
