God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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