a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
