I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
