Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
