So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
