Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
