In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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