Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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