I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
