Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
