remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
