I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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