The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
