Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
