Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
