somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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