She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
