Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have peed in a lot of sinks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
