I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
