yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
