great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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