I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
