my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The uberlube is also flammable
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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