So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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