he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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