Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize