When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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