New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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