After last night, I could never be a politician.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
