last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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